Marriage

Marriage Isn’t Always Bubblegum and Lollipops

Jasmine Davis is a wife of 15 years, mom of three, author, podcast host AND the creator of Marriage Talk Nights, a community designed to support and cultivate health marriages. We got connected randomly via Instagram through a mutual friend who noticed that we both are working towards the same goal, to showcase and celebrate healthy, beautiful Black Love.

Jasmine’s podcast and now zoom monthly meetup, Marriage Talk Nights started as an outlet as she dealt with challenging times within her marriage. She also wanted to tell her own story in a transparent way that it could hopefully help other women in similar situations. And from that, her book, “How concrete changed to soil’ was born.

Ladies, and gentlemen, but specifically ladies. You can have it all. You can have a thriving career, bomb ass life-partner, and an amazing family. You don’t have to allow life challenges, interruptions or others create the path that is already designed for you. You just need focus, faith, determination, and support to make your visions and dreams come alive.

I was so impressed with Jasmine during our podcast interview, Learning to create in unfamiliar spaces can either grow you or silence you, that I had to interview her for BWL so her story can be shared.

Enjoy!


Jemia: Marriage isn’t always bubblegum and lollipops, how did you come up with this name? It’s a catchy name for a podcast.

Jasmine: I came up with the name of my podcast based upon my ideas of what it takes to maintain a healthy marriage. I wanted the listeners to understand that marriage is beautiful but it isn’t always happy times and that, and that’s okay.

The name came from talking to multiple couples throughout the years and seeing how often they would suffer in silence. We live in a world where people only display beautiful moments in their marriage, which can isolate couples that may be experiencing the latter. I wanted to create a safe place to speak truth while also offering advice on how to overcome those pitfalls in your marriage. 

The podcast industry is crowded, but I did not let that stop me. I started because I wanted to reach more people that couldn’t attend “Marriage Talk Nights.” I host these nights to talk about hurdles within marriages, really focusing on wives and their hidden experiences. I felt like more couples needed a safe place to release and relate to other couples. The podcast gave me that flexibility. 

Image provided by Jasmine.

Marriage Talk Nights, tell us more about this couple-focused event.

Marriage talk night started about 4 years ago in 2016. It started when my cousin, who is no longer with us, told me that I had a gift and to get busy. So I started to host small meetings near my hometown in Maryland, to connect to wives within my immediate circle.

Marriages have always been important to me and I wanted to ensure that the marriages around me could be as cohesive as possible. It started out with just my cousins and aunts and then transformed into friends and then friends of friends. I was disheartened hearing from others how marriages are viewed as a trap or two miserable people stuck together. I wanted to display marriages in a good light while also helping other couples fight to maintain their happiness.

Have you shifted to a virtual experience since we’ve entered this pandemic?

Yes and the shift has been a blessing in disguise because wives and couples that have wanted to previously attend, but lived in other states can now join in on the fun. The normal set up has changed but the message has remained the same.

During our last event, we talked about how ensuring that our personal emotions don’t affect the emotion of our marriages. I believe that it’s easy to blend those emotions together but it isn’t healthy. I struggled for a long time separating the two and I wanted to speak with other wives to see if they also struggled with separating emotions. If I’m stressed about work or the kids, my husband shouldn’t feel that irritation. If I’m stressed about something in my marriage, my children or other people around me shouldn’t feel those emotions.

What can people expect when attending a Marriage Talk Night?

Attending is like a breath of fresh air. It allows you to talk about really tough things in a calm and supportive environment. My ultimate goal is to ensure that wives or couples (if it’s a couples night) leave better than what they came.

I start every meeting telling all that this is a safe place and that common respect of others is required. We start by asking all participants to share a topic they want to touch on, then move into an ice breaker to get all the participants comfortable and relaxed. Once that’s over we move into the topics, which are anonymous.

When it’s couple’s night, this typically leads into a continued conversation once the couples leave the meetings. I love when the husbands attend because it creates a safe place for them to express themselves around other men that give support. If we’re honest, we know that most men dread any sort of therapy and I’m glad that this allows for men to connect and also help their wives understand things from a man’s perspective. This clarity for the wives can change their whole mindset on how to engage their husbands and vice versa for husbands gaining deeper understanding of their wives. It’s a different experience when you feel like you are facing issues with other like-minded couples, and it’s going to be okay.

Podcast, wife and couple-centric meetups, AND a book. Tell us about “How concrete changed to soil”.

The title of the book was a representation of how I perceived my growth from the depths of my internal hell. I was in a place in life where nothing could come in and I surely wasn’t able to give anything either. In a sense, I was concrete, rough and not easily accessible.

By mentally breaking down and putting myself back together, I became soil. Soil is able to bear fruit, flourish, and grow. Not just for myself, but also for other people. I realized at the moment that I started to write my book that GOD needed me to release all that he had taught me during my process of individual growth.

I always refer to my book as a vomit of emotions that needed to be released so I could be set free from previous experiences. I realized that my testimony wasn’t for me, but for others. I used transparency to set myself free while helping others find the beauty in there’s.

GOD cannot send help for something you refuse to show. Covering up wounds with cute clothes and a smile is going to only get you so far, you have to do the work. I had completely lost myself in my marriage, I could no longer recognize myself outside of Mrs. Davis and mommy. So this book was everything that I needed to say and more, if I could help one person it would make the book and transparency forever worth it.

What’s next for you? Is there room for more.

There is always room. I will be obtaining my Master’s in couples and family therapy. God-willing, open up my own practice, and supporting marriage counseling and therapy in a positive way. My husband and I have begun to outline a marriage book with hopes to be finished summer of 2021. I have a plan for my future but whatever is next I pray that it’s under GOD’s guidance.

Final words of wisdom.

No one is required to show you the dark with the bright times. Be sure to not put your voice into other marriages because it could take energy away from your own marriage. Learn to pray for marriages instead of judging them!!!


Make sure you check out Jasmine’s podcast – Marriage Isn’t Always Bubblegum and Lollipops!

And make sure you listen to our awesome conversation about how unfamiliar spaces can help you GROW!

Connect with her on Instagram – @just_jassing and @miabal_podcast!

Jemia
Creator + Founder of @BlackWifeLife. Champagne, Curls & Coffee.

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