Letting Go Over What I Have No Control Over⏤For Once and For All
September 29, 2020
This is a declaration to myself to let go of things in which I have no control over, with the intent of helping others to do the same…. for once and for all! This issue that I suffer from, and oftentimes let control my very being, is not something that I suffer from alone. We have all experienced, or know someone that has, what I like to call “toxic shock”. My definition of toxic shock is allowing toxic people, toxic events, or toxic memories to shock your soul into a place of unsettledness, making it virtually impossible for you to live your life to its fullest.
Let me first address toxic people. I almost don’t know where to start. This is a topic that could go on and on but I am going to try my best to simplify it. Toxic people are a permanent fixture on this earth that will never go away. As long as people fail to or have the inability to recognize their dysfunction, and seek help for it, there will always be toxic people in the world. However, this does not mean that they have to be a permanent fixture in YOUR life.
According to Greatist, a toxic person is generally someone abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally. Someone who will bring you down more than they bring you up. Toxic people can also be skilled liars and master manipulators. They tend to leave you feeling like the life has been drained from you after dealing with them.
For me, the key signs of a toxic person are placing blame for their poor behavior on others, as well as being unwilling to take accountability for their actions and poor behavior. Some may acknowledge their poor behavior but make excuses for it, demanding that you accept their excuses. When you don’t, they try to make you feel as though it’s something wrong with you. They blame you for being an unforgiving person or expecting perfection. The biggest sign for me is how I feel after interacting with a toxic person. If I am emotionally drained, feeling like I just fought a battle (literally), have feelings of regret or hopelessness, or feel manipulated or taken advantage of, then I know I am on the road to “toxic shock”.
To remove a toxic person from your space, you have to be proactive. You have to listen to your inner self. If you have to second guess a person being in your life or have unsettled feelings toward them, then you already have an inkling that they are toxic. We all have disruptions in our lives from time to time, but if being around a certain individual always brings about waves in your course of life, then the bottom line is they are toxic to you. A toxic person will always let you know who they are by way of poor behavior, excuses, and lack of accountability. Carefully observe and see them for who they are.
As for toxic memories, these are memories of unpleasant events that have occurred in our lives and have set up a permanent residence in our heads, draining our mental energy and ultimately stealing our joy (Bottom Line Inc.). These events could be childhood experiences, death, marriage, a bitter divorce, betrayal, a violent crime, and so on. Any event that causes memories that cripple the way you interact throughout life is toxic. Unlike with toxic people, you can’t just walk away from toxic events and memories. However, with a lot of work, you can train your thought process to not let these memories control your life.
There are some proven self-help methods that you can try such as learning to replace your bad thoughts with good thoughts by consciously stopping the bad thoughts in their tracks and redirecting the focus toward positive thoughts. However, this is easier said than done. In which case, seeking help from a professional will help you navigate through the process, employing methods that best suit your personal needs.
To live your best quality of life, you have to conquer that which negatively impacts you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Never be afraid to claim or regain control over your life. After all, it is YOUR life.
Whenever I feel emotionally stuck, and we all have these moments, I stop and think about my husband and daughter and how supportive they are to me. They never want to see me in that place so they do everything in their power to help me gain control of my feelings. If I were to allow myself to be defeated that would be unfair to them. I am blessed because I have something that not everyone does, and that is support. My family needs me and I certainly need them. Protecting my peace of mind ultimately protects theirs as well.
Considering myself a work in progress, I strive to overcome hurdles in my life. Therefore, I declare that working to free myself from things and people that I can not control, that don’t bring me joy, that creates negative thoughts and feelings or diminishes my quality of life will be my mission for me to let go of…. for once and for all.